The Ladder

 

There comes a time,

When you rise and shine,

A caterpillar from the comfort of a cocoon,

Breaks free,

To become a butterfly...

Yes, I had my butterfly moment this week. I had always wanted to do it, but I was nervous as hell. I always marvelled at the effortless ease with which people around me did it, even my kids. I wondered, why was I unable to get myself to do it… The very thought of doing it, made me nervous. A hundred ‘what if’ scenarios played in mind. What if, I fall. What if, I slipped. What if, it broke. What if, I am stuck. I shuddered at the thought of one of the scenarios really happening. Though the probability of it happening is like one in a million, the mind is such a peculiar thing, it clings on to the most inconsequential thing, to escape the situation. I continued to be in my comfort zone, always wanting, yet too scared to take the first step.

This week I got the much-needed push, when life put me through an experience that forced me out of my comfort zone. I plunged into action. I walked up to my terrace, inhaled deeply, closed my eyes and told myself, no more thinking, no more overthinking and just held it and made my way up. At every step, my mind kept screaming, discouraging, trying to make me give up. But I was on a mission to reach the top, I was left with no other option. Once on top, I couldn’t believe it. I had to pinch myself to check if it was real. The nervous energy was still pulsing, my heart was frantic, my mind numb and I was in shock. Nothing happened, it was really easy to go on, once I started. I was coming to terms with the sheer simplicity and the ease with which I broke out of my comfort zone. As I stood there taking in the bird’s view of my world, my being rejoiced. I finally did it! What a spectacular sight, what a feeling, ah what a life. I just stood there soaking it all in. 

If only, I had looked beyond my fears. If only, I had dared to take the first step. If only, I had stopped thinking and started acting. I could have experienced it all much earlier. If you are still wondering, I finally mustered the courage to climb the steep ladder and step on to the water tank at the very top of my house. I have always wanted to experience the view but was too afraid to climb the ladder. Today, when I finally did it, I experienced an openness, a freedom, a sense of accomplished, bewilderment and a feeling of on top of the world. I felt free and closer to myself, closer to the skies, closer to the stars, closer to the sun and closest with nature. I felt my fear was entirely of my making, there was nothing so difficult or peculiar about it. It has taken me eleven years to realize this, to recognise and let go of this fear and to take the leap, to just do it…

As I was climbing down the ladder. I wondered, don’t we all have such fears that hold us back, that chains us, that enslaves us and imprisons us in our comfort zone? Sometimes the fears are big, like letting go a job with an organisation you have worked for several years, switching your profession, going on a quest to find your calling or trusting the next relationship after a betrayal.  Sometimes they are trivial things, like co- existing with a lizard, sharing the garden with an insect, stepping onto an escalator, walking around in the dark in the comfort of our house or just climbing that steep ladder at the top of your house. No matter what or how big the fear, my learning from this experience is, to just plunge into action. To just do it. To take the leap of faith and keep going. 

I also realised that until we break free from our comfort zone, our fears become our companions for life. Life pushed me to a corner, and I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. In this process I learnt that the unknown is not such a difficult or a scary thing. Unless we push our limits, we don’t explore or experience the unknowns of life. More is possible only when we explore the unknown. Growth doesn’t happen in the comfort of the comfort zone. Growth is in the unknown, life is in the unknown, God is in the unknown, manifestation of our potential is in doing the unknown...

Next time a fear creeps in, when the comfort of the comfort zone seems inviting, remember our fears become our companions for life, until we break our comfort zone. And the best way to go ahead, is to just do it!