Cooking Time

 

It was a holiday, and the day started lazily. The harsh summer heat was toned down by a sudden morning shower. The weather also seemed to play along with my leisure mood, bringing its cool and pleasant face, a rarity in May. My kitchen, usually a hot furnace, seemed cool and welcoming today. It put me in a perfect mood, and I set out to cook something special. 

Pav Bhaji, a street food from the financial capital of India, Mumbai, consists of thick vegetable gravy (Bhaji) served with a soft bread roll (Pav). I started the cooking process of the Bhaji. On the stove went in a pressure cooker with vegetables and a Kadai with onion and spices. The aroma of the spices filled the house. I kept adding one ingredient after the other in the kadai, watching the pressure cooker for any sign of pressure release. It seemed to take forever. It was stubborn and showed no sign of whistling, even under maximum heat. It got me thinking that no matter what we do, every dish has a cooking time that cannot be skipped. This perspective threw a new light on my most recent experience. 

It was a small gathering of like-minded people who aimed to grow in leadership and public speaking skills. I was invited as a guest to watch the meeting. People started introducing themselves, and I was in awe of each one. The group consisted of experts from different fields of specialization like doctors, teachers, lawyers, CEOs, professionals in top leadership positions and entrepreneurs. Soon it was my turn, and I introduced myself as a homemaker and a full-time mother, a trader in the stock market and an amateur writer. The introduction went well, I am a mediocre speaker, and this was no big feat, yet my heart felt heavy and restless as I sat down. The proceeding went on, it was a coruscating evening, and I had a great time, but it left me bittersweet with a sense of emptiness and incompleteness. I wondered why and realized that it was because of my professional life.

Three years ago, I had a high-paying job with a defined career plan that aimed to groom me into a leadership position. I quit my job to search for my passion and purpose and find my true happiness in it. Today I have discovered things I am passionate about, and I am working towards creating a niche. But I am still a newbie taking baby steps in learning and developing expertise in a new field. I am still a work in progress professionally. So, when I had to introduce myself to an elite audience, it touched a raw nerve and made me feel insufficient. What I had given up willingly came to haunt and taunt me, and self-doubt crept in.

My epiphany came while cooking the Bhaji. Every dish has a cooking time; similarly, every journey in life takes its own time. Whether taking up a new role, developing a new skill, pursuing a new passion, starting a new business or developing a new relationship, any change takes time. No matter how hard we try, we can reduce, but not eliminate, this time. My corporate life had a cooking time of over ten years, while my journey towards my passion is hardly three years old. It is not right to compare apples with mangoes. I realised that it was not the elite crowd, their designation, or their professional acumen that made me feel empty. But my lack of belief in myself, especially in my new professional prowess, created incompleteness. It stemmed from the fact that I was not allowing myself sufficient cooking time in this new journey towards my passion. 

We all go through moments of self-doubt, self-judgement and self-criticism, and it is okay to feel them. How we deal with them matters. Do we recognise and learn from them or let them bog us down? I recognized mine and realised that every endeavour towards a goal takes time, and we must wait it out; there are no two ways. Because, in this life journey, only one person’s belief and opinion matter; it is the one looking back at you from the mirror. As my guru, Mahatria, says, ‘More than how the world sees you, it is how you see yourself that truly matters. Life, paves the way, for a resolute soul.” Don’t allow cooking time to pull you down in any new beginnings of your life.