It was just yesterday…

 

March 29th 2015, a special day in my life. Life presented me with an opportunity to discover a whole new me. I had no idea what was going to unfold. Yet I embraced it wholeheartedly, me and the moment…by just being in the present. One look and an emotion so strong rose within me, it gave strength to my battered body and tired soul. It shook me with its depth, it surprised me with its presence, its protectiveness baffled me, it was so unconditional I never knew myself to be and yet, experiencing it all felt so natural to me. Motherhood welcomed me and I dissolved into its open arms. 

The journey was like a song. The good days were filled with happiness, joy and warmth, just like a good note in a song. The bad days were filled with sleepless nights, wailing, tantrums, truck loads of laundry with no time left at hand. Just like those off-key notes in a song, that makes you pause and wonder, why has it gone all wrong. Yet it was my song, I held on. The love, the hugs, the cuddles, the kisses, the warmth, the hero like worship from the little one kept me going on.

Not a day went by without a hug. Not an hour went by without a kiss. Just like the sun that keeps shining, she was always showering her love. I was the moon, that sometimes glowed full and bright, that sometimes shut itself out, that always took different shapes like the different moods of mine. Yet, she kept giving and loving and cherishing all the time.

I was her world. I was her everything. My opinion mattered the most to her. Just a tiny frown in my face would bring her into my arms. Even a little bit of change in my body language would get her sirens going. Her nights were always beside me, in my arms, cuddling, hugging and holding me tight. There was nothing about her that I did not already know. There was nothing in her life that I was a stranger to. Such was the love, such was the care, such was the companionship we shared. 

Then she grew, went to school and made new friends. The hugs and kisses were still the same. But I could sense a thin veil coming in between. There was still me and her with all the love and happiness we could share. There was also a world without me in her head, that she let me in, only once in a while. Yes, this is natural part of growing up you may say. The bird needs to leave the nest to learn to fly. The seed needs to fall away from the tree for it to grow to its might. But there is a tremble and a quiver in my heart. She no longer sleeps in my arms, nor holding them. She is in a world of her own, happy and blissful. It was just yesterday a night without me would bring the roof down, yet today it is a whole new turn.

Suddenly she has grown tall and has become a know all. The questions and discussions are no longer routine. They get much deeper, why do we live, why do we die, when can I see God, what is right and what is wrong she asks, giving a glimpse of an evolving mind. She is no longer just a listener; she has opinions of her own. My naïve little girl developing a personality and becoming a girl. I stand dumbfound seeing her becoming independent and responsible. 

How quickly they grow and outgrow. It was just yesterday this tiny little one was still a part of me. It was just yesterday I was coping with sleepless nights and bleeding breasts. It was just yesterday she gave me her first toothless smile. Her first crawl, her first step, her first hug and her first kiss, her first bloody wound… it is all etched in my memory like it was just yesterday.

They grow too soon. They go a little far. We are too drowned in the world of our own. We sometimes miss on this yesterday that will soon be bygones. Just like the cocoon that transforms the caterpillar into a butterfly. The yesterdays are transforming our little ones. Day by day, experience by experience, they are learning, they are growing, they are thinking, they are understanding, and they are evolving. 

This yesterday is available for a very short time. Very quickly we move from being their only world, to becoming important in their world, to just being in their world. We may soon have to fight for their attention. This yesterday is too precious to just let it go by…

Realize it, experience it, dive into it and get drenched in it. 

Yesterday was my very first night without a hug or a cuddle. They become a little shy. They feel they are all grown up. Oh, I am not going to let this slide by. I am not going to let my yesterday go by. We are never late to the yesterdays of life. Today is always the best day to start. All it takes is just one gesture from us. To love, to express and to cherish. Oh, seize this moment and shower them with all the love, that is locked inside your overflowing heart. This will soon be the yesterday that has already gone by. You will cherish and look back with a smile.

As you are reading this, it is already my yesterday gone by…